I had a very mixed day today......I Saw
sterlingspider on the way in, I only had 2 service calls, but one took hours. It wasn't hard, just time consuming. I had to swap out all the equipment at Luz deli in Ammaganset. New counter, so new water lines, new machines, yaddayaddayadda. The drive out was nice, the lower humidity today made the day bearable, I was in a silly mood for most of the day, I kept substituting "Ammaganset" for "I'm a pepper" in the old theme song. They played "the happy wander" on WLNG. I saw a swan with 3 cygnets in the pond in Southampton, had a nice lunch, saw a gorgeous 1969 Olds Cutlass S, drove to Lake Grove, fixed a hot water tap, went back to the shop, logged in all my equipment, loaded trucks, blasted out, hit the ecology center, tried the top path, couldn't quite make the full circuit without a break, forgot my water, got mobbed by Gnats, found a lot of raspberries, saw a vole, came home.....sorry for letting this turn into stream of consciousness.....
I was in a genuinely good mood almost all day, in fact right up until about 4:45PM.........
A very odd thing happened at Luz deli......the very beautiful young Latina woman who worked there... was flirting with me...like aggressive, almost pushy level flirting.....I just couldn't figure out her game. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what she wanted. It was kind of frustrating. I can usually read people better than that. Attractive young women don't flirt with me without an ulterior motive. I have no illusions concerning my desirability anymore. Still, even if it was a lie, it was a beautiful one. It made me feel good for a while.....
Jump to later!!!.. I got back to the shop, and it's the same old shit..... only this time, it's prima donna fucking Felix the guy in charge of shipping, who has had issues with me ever since I started there. He resents the fuck out of me, because he's been with the company for like 22 years, and then they brought me in, and I was "giving him orders".... we butt heads alot. I've been there 5 years, and this shit is still going on. He doesn't do anything blatant. He does little inconvenient shit to me that drives me crazy.....
Then I pick up a hint of a rumor that Tom, the other Mechanic may be leaving to move south. Great. That means twice as much work until they hire a new guy. It means weeks of 2 faced "attaboy" shit from Mark, until a new guy gets up to speed, and then everybody can go back to the usual contempt and disdain the have for me......and I guarantee you that the new guy will start at higher pay than I now make......
But wait, there's more. As I said, I did my usual Tuesday night walk over at the ecology center. For a change, instead of following the regular track, I climber the weird stairway (that looks like a Salmon ladder) that takes you to the top of the mound. 35' It near killed me. I had to stop and take a break due to burning back muscles at the 7/10ths mile marker just before the hill. This is the first time in 3 weeks I wasn't able to make the full circuit without a break. I blame the beginning climb, the humidity, and the fact that I forgot my water for this. I made the full 1.2 mile circuit, and then move over to a bench and sprawled. I am literally running rivulets of sweat. When I see other folks in my shape walking, I try my damndest to "thumbs up" them or say encouraging things. Exercise is hard. Doubly so when your fat and sedentary. Now this bench over looks the track. I try to very pointedly not stare at other folks who are walking. It's rude, and it make some folks nervous. I tend to concentrate on the hill behind it and watch the birds and such while I catch my breath. As I sat, two folks power walked by, a mom and daughter I would guess. They spotted me, and began laughing at me. That mean, whisper to each other, grade school, behind the hands kind of laughter. Can someone please explain to me what precisely is enjoyable about making someone else hurt? I never figured it out myself, I always wanted to make people feel better. Is it that they don't think I know what I look like? They passed by. No witty retort from me. It didn't even make me angry, just sad, and confused, and it made me want to give up. It also made me very disappointed in myself. The fact that such a casual barb from a complete stranger could be so hurtful is a pretty sad commentary on the state of my maturity and self esteem. I really hope I grow up some day....
Like I said, I don't understand Humans....
TC